Jealousy is not a demonstration of love.
E=mc2
An extremely important equation. In fact, the most famous equation of all times. The equation that allowed to explain nuclear fusion and create the atom bomb. Published in 1905 in a brief article, as the last in the series of 26 years old Einstein’s breakthrough papers.
And it wasn’t until 103 years after it has been written, that the brilliant equation showing the correlation between mass and energy has been demonstrated to be right by a group of talented physicists: mass can be converted into energy, and energy can be converted into mass.
Far from physics and Einstein’s celebrated formula, the concepts of jealousy and love may seem to be strongly correlated. In fact, many people would tend to say that jealousy is a sign or a proof of love. But is it?
Objectively, no. It isn’t. Jealousy and love haven’t been confirmed to be correlated so strongly together. So, let’s explore the fact that it is a total misconception: jealousy is not a demonstration of love.
There is no jealousy in love. And no love in jealousy.
When you look for the definition of LOVE (for someone), you’ll find many. I find the Collins Dictionary definition pretty good:
Love is a very strong feeling of affection towards someone who you are romantically or sexually attracted to.
You say that you love someone when their happiness is very important to you, so that you behave in a kind and caring way towards them.
In that second part of the definition, loving someone implies to be happy for the other for the decisions he makes, even if this makes you feel insecure.
If you are jealous because he is going out with his friends (and that you fear he may meet other women while he’s out), then your jealousy highjacks the love that would naturally makes you feel happy for him to go out to have an enjoyable evening.
Doesn’t even a glimpse of love lie into jealousy?
One can argue that if you are jealous, it clearly proves that you love your partner, that you care for him. Because if you didn’t love him, you wouldn’t mind him going to meet other girls. It seems jealousy is linked to love.
But it is not.
Love means freedom. When you love someone, you love him or her for what he is and what he does, for his personality, you respect what he likes doing and support him in his decisions and choices. And if what your partner does is making you suffer or is unbearable, you need to decide whether you want to stay or go. Loving someone is accepting the other person for what he is. And yes, compromises exist, but they shouldn’t actually compromise you or your partner as individuals, to do what makes you happy.
Jealousy is about yourself. Not about your love for the other one.
Let’s come back to that dinner your partner is planning to attend with his friends. When you are being jealous before he leaves, how does that make him feel? Well, chances are he actually feels annoyed at your reaction. Why? Because he doesn’t see the same red signals you imagine. In no way for him his dinner is related to meeting with someone else. So, for him, your jealousy is not a proof of love, but a cause to another drama before going out.
If jealousy was a proof of love, then everyone should be jealous to demonstrate their love and we would judge the strength of the love by the level of jealousy shown.
Jealousy reflects your insecurity. Jealousy is the translation of your fear to lose the other. And in order to not lose him, you want to control him, and possess him, to reassure yourself.
Jealousy is not about love for the other. It is about self-love, which is the root of all love.
While E = mc2, Jealousy Love.
In fine, love is simple. There is no such thing as having to demonstrate love. You feel love, or you don’t, and when you love someone, you love that person for whom that person is, without expectations.
You can love and be a jealous, but jealousy is not a sign, proof or demonstration of love.
Even though they may appear correlated, jealousy is not linked with the love you have for someone, but it is linked to self-love. A lack of self-love.